


What If Love Came First.

by RussianSociopathicElfTimelord



Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Angst, Dancing, F/F, First time saying 'I love you', Fluff, Humor, M/M, Past Child Abuse, Pining, Romance, Self-Harm, Sharing a Bed, Well I Tried Anyway...., Wow I Really Do Tag Everything :P
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-10
Updated: 2015-01-05
Packaged: 2018-02-24 20:15:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 15,778
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2595050
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RussianSociopathicElfTimelord/pseuds/RussianSociopathicElfTimelord
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>High School AU.<br/>When English exchange student Jenny Lawson moves to America, she meets a group of wonderful, eccentric people. She tries to finish Highschool whilst being in love with her best friend, having a not-very-good reputation and remembering past abuse from her mother.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hi guys! :)  
> This is my first fic, transferred from my fanfic.net account. Like I said, first fic, so please be nice! I should be updating mostly regularly, if I can find the time.  
> Enjoy!

And that's how I ended up embarrassing myself in front of the whole school on my first day.

I should probably rewind. My name is Jenny Lawson, and I am the new English exchange student at SHIELD High. I moved to America with my older brother to study before going off to college in a few years.  
So, my first day. I thought it was going great to start off with. We had arrived from England a week ago, and were starting to settle into our small flat.  
On the day that the new term started, Liam, my brother, drove me down to school. We arrived, and he parked his car, said good-bye, and headed off to start his classes. Which is precisely when I realised I didn't have my English textbooks. Or maths. Or Geography. Damn. I couldn't very well call Liam back out, and I was a year too young to drive myself, so I was pretty much stuffed.  
I contemplated just going in and apologising for not having my things, but I had wanted to make a good impression, and not being organised enough to remember to bring my books is hardly going to make a good name for myself at the start of term. But then again, it is the start of term. Maybe everyone is feeling a little brain-dead?  
Oh well. Have I anything to lose at this point?  
I gathered the books that I had remembered to bring and headed towards the building. The building itself was tall and imposing, a huge mass of brick and iron. It just served to make me all the more terrified for leaving my books at home.  
And of course, that was only the first in a series of misfortunes that day. 

-*-

Half an hour later, the first class, maths, was starting. I was perfectly busy at the back of the class, doodling on the inside of my textbook, when the teacher, Mrs. Hill, came in and the room went deadly silent. I understood why; Hill was scary. Her dark hair was drawn into a tight bun, and her grey eyes scanned the room, piercing every student with their laser gaze.  
"We have a new student with us today." she said crisply. "Jenny Lawson, please come and introduce yourself."  
What, really?! And I thought that only happened in super-cheesy embarrassing movies.  
Oh well. Could be worse, I suppose.  
So I got to my feet and attempted to make my way over to the front of the room. 'Attempted', because halfway there I tripped over somebody's desk-leg and fell flat on the floor. As I pulled myself to my feet, my face burning, I heard suppressed sniggers from the back of the room. Great.  
I managed to make it the rest of the way without any further accidents, and so got to be standing in ront of the teacher's desk, facing the class. Which is when I realised just how big the class was. Back in England there had been a maximum of 35 students per class; here there were around 50. I had never done well speaking in front of a large group, and I had just fallen on my face in front of them, and that didn't make things any easier.  
Here goes nothing.  
"Um, well, I'm Jennifer." What in the world possessed me to use my full name?! I hate that name! "And, uh, I'm from England." Smooth. "So, basically, I've um, come here to study." I cringed inwardly. "And, I suppose, I'd like to, uh, get to know you all?" From the sniggers and whispers from the back of the room, I could tell that the guys here would very much not like to get to know me. I glanced at Mrs. Hill, who was looking with me with something akin to pity. Oh God.  
"Thank you Jennifer," she said, "please go back to your seat."  
I could tell that Mrs. Hill was very much regretting bringing me up to the front of the class.  
I rested my head on top of my folded arms on my desk and thought, 'This day cannot get much worse.'

-*-

Of course, I was wrong.  
Turns out the universe hates me too much to just let me be. At the cafeteria at lunch, I found a spot well away from everyone in general to eat in peace. So I was sat under a tree. Which is exactly when I realised that there was a noise coming from above me. A rustling noise. I looked up. SPLAT! A kid drops a water balloon from amongst the branches right on my upturned face. Well, I suppose he wasn't really a kid, as he looked a little older than me, but really?! How bloody immature!  
So now I was soaking wet, sat under a tree, with the guy who'd just water-bombed me cackling in said tree.  
A girl around my own age walked up. She was insanely beautiful, with a short, wavy bob of bright red hair and stormy blue-grey eyes set in a perfect, smooth face. The tight black top and jeans she was wearing accentuated her curves, making her look like a model.  
She saw me soaking wet and instantly looked up to glare at the patch of leaves directly above me.  
"Sorry," she said in a smooth voice, "that's Clint. He has a weak sense of humour and doesn't know when to stop."  
She said all this still glaring at the tree, and the cackling stopped immediately and the boy dropped down. They were simple words, but filled with danger and ice.  
The kid who had just dropped down looked to be about sixteen, with sandy hair and chiselled features. His blue eyes were dancing with mirth and a smirk was still playing at the corner of his lips.  
One look from the red-headed girl wiped that smirk right off his face.  
He mumbled something along the lines of, 'just a bit of fun', before running off.  
The girl sighed and rolled her eyes. "I'm Natasha Romanoff." she said, turning her gaze to me.  
"Jenny Lawson." I replied.  
"Yes, I saw you in math today."  
I blushed and looked down, but she wasn't making fun or smirking like some of the others had been.  
I looked up to see her studying me intently. I felt nervous under her gaze, and now knew exactly what the other kid, Clint, had been feeling.  
"I'll tell Clint not to bother you again." she said, before turning to leave.  
"Wait!" I called, finding my voice. She turned back to me, and looked at me expectantly. "Um, c-can I sit with you?" I asked lamely. "I mean, I don't have any friends here, and I'm kinda the queen of embarrassing myself, and I suppose it's help to have someone there to help me out a bit. I mean, of course, I don't really need help, but I still don't have friends and-" I rushed on.  
"Yes." she interrupted.  
I stared at her for a moment. "Yes?" I repeated.  
"Yes, you can sit with us. My friends are just over here." she led me to a small bench, completely crowded with people, all bickering and talking amongst themseves.  
It was a little overwhelming for someone like me, who had had a maximum of three friends at any one time.  
A skinny boy with raven black hair and emerald eyes was sitting nearest to us, talking quietly with another boy, this one of wavy brown hair and glasses. Next to that boy (I really need to stop calling them boys, they look older than me!), a young man with spiky dark hair and wide, chocolate-brown eyes was talking animatedly with another accross the table, this one tall and muscly with blond hair and clear blue eyes that were watching the other talk with fondness. Next to the blond, Clint who had dropped a water-bomb on my head was arguing with another muscular blond man, this one with longer hair and a regal expression, over a box of pop tarts.  
"Gentlemen." Natasha called, and the table fell silent. "This is Jenny Lawson, she's going to join us."  
There was a chorus of 'hey's and 'hi's from around the table.  
"Um, hi." I said meekly.  
"Hey Jenny." the spiky haired, brown-eyed young man said. He fixed me with a dazzling smile. "Welcome to the Avengers."

\----*----


	2. Chapter 2

"Avengers?" I asked.  
"That's what we called ourselves back in seventh grade when we met." Natasha explained helpfully. "All of us except Loki, who only joined us in eighth grade." she added, indicating the raven-haired, green-eyed guy sat closest to us.  
"Suppose we'd better introduce ourselves if you're gonna be joining us, Jenny." The spiky haired one, who had introduced the group as the Avengers, said. "I'm Tony. Tony Stark." he flashed that blinding smile again, then turned to the rest of the small group. "That's Thor, he came over from England two years ago with his brother here." he pointed to Loki.  
"Not brother." Loki almost snarled.  
"Fine, fine, adopted brother." Tony compromised, rolling his eyes. He then indicated the person sat on Loki's right side. "That's Bruce Banner, he's awesome coz he's the only one here other than myself who can talk proper English. You've already met Clint, he's a bitch."   
"That's rich, coming from you." Clint retorted.  
"Ladies!" Natasha interrupted, before the comments could escalate. "Break it up please." I found myself admiring the way Natasha was able to subdue them all with a few words and a glance.  
Tony went back to the introductions. There didn't seem to be any particular order to which he was introducing everyone, just so long as they were all, in the end, introduced. So he turned to the last person to be introduced, the young blond man sat across from him. "And this is-"  
"Steve Rogers." the blond interrupted. "Pleasure to meet you, Jenny."  
"He's perfect." Tony informed me in a loud stage whisper. As I saw a blush spreading across Steve's face, I couldn't help but think, 'Aw'.  
"Okay, that's it. Introductions over." Natasha said promptly. "Everyone get back to what you were doing." She motioned for me to follow her, and so I obliged, sitting next to her on the bench. After a moment of silence, she said, "So how are you settling in?" her face remaining blank and impassive, but I saw a spark of interest in her eyes.  
"Oh, you know, it's okay. Me and my brother have flats in the middle of the city."  
"And school? How are you finding the company?" she asked.  
I paused. "Well, I guess it's my own fault for embarrassing myself in front of everyone, but I don't think it's likely that I'm gonna become anyone's friend any time soon."  
"And the Avengers? I assure you, they can be....lively, at times, but they are wonderful people."   
Now I saw where she was taking this line of questioning; she wanted to make sure I was happy with this group of friends, and that I didn't feel out of place.  
"Oh no, I like them." I assured her, smiling. "They seem like really good people. I just need some time to settle into my schoolwork and then I'll have time to do whatever people do here in their free time." I saw her looking at me with something like approval.  
It wasn't until later that day when I realised that I had found my first group of friends.

-*-

I was walking round the science block to get back to my brother's car at the end of the day, when an older kid walked up to me. He looked to be about sixteen, a year older than me, with flat, brown hair and taunting eyes hidden behind thick-rimmed glasses.  
"Hey, Jenny, isn't it? Jenny Lawson. I saw you in class earlier." he grinned horribly. "You know there are other ways of showing your ass to people."  
Ewww, perv. That was the weakest awful not-pickup line ever.  
"I'll keep my arse to myself, thank you." I replied coolly. I made to move on my way until his hand shot out and grabbed my arm.   
"Where d'you think you're going? I haven't done talking to you." and suddenly he was looming over me, and my mind screamed 'run!'. Oops, I was backed against the wall. That's the last time I go around the science block. So basically I thought I was in for some kind of beating by a pervy highschool guy, until suddenly, a hand shot out of nowhere and punched him in the jaw. He stumbled back, shocked, until his eyes landed on his attacker.  
"Hey Hammer." Tony said from where he was standing behind Steve. He said this casually, but he looked beyond angry.  
The guy, Hammer, looked like he was about to retort, until his eyes flickered back to Steve. He frowned, before scuttling off across the car park.  
"That's Justin Hammer." Tony explained. "He's a bully and a world-renowned asshole."  
I found myself unable to speak other than to say, "You punched him in the face." Eloquent as ever.  
Steve looked suddenly apologetic. "Yeah, sorry, I just can't stand to see people bullied. Especially not by him."  
"Uh, no, don't apologise. That was awesome!" I said, suddenly giddy. "I-well, I didn't think...."  
"What? That we didn't like you enough to come save you from giant dickheads?" Tony asked, eyebrow raised.  
"No! I mean-well, I-I've never really, um, had....friends before." I finished quietly, looking at the ground.  
"Hey," Steve said gently. "it's okay. So long as you like us, we're your friends now, and friends protect each other."  
I nodded, suddenly feeling more confident. I looked up to meet their eyes.  
"Thank you."  
"Okay, enough sappy stuff." Tony said, beautifully ruining the moment. "Where are you headed now Jen?"  
"I'm waiting for my brother, then we'll be going back to our flats." I replied. "So I guess I'll see you tomorrow?"  
"Are you kidding me?" he scoffed. "You're coming back with us, it's movie night tonight!"  
"What? No it isn't. That's on Friday, Tony." Steve said.  
Tony made shushing noises and said, "Pish posh. It's movie night any day I want it to be. So, ya comin'?" he asked me.  
"Oh, sure, I'll just have to make sure Liam knows. Where should I meet you?"  
"By the red lambourghini over there." Tony stated casually. My jaw actually, physically, dropped.  
"You own a lambourghini?" I repeated slowly.  
"Yeah. I'm the spoilt rich kid." he grinned, but I could see that flash of bitterness in his eyes and in his voice. (As it turns out, I'm pretty good at reading people's eyes.)  
"Well, okay then." I smiled. "See you in a minute."

-*-

"Okay." Liam said simply when I told him I was going back with Steve and Tony. I raised an eyebrow.  
"Okay?" I repeated. "No catch, no curfew? No worry for my safety?"  
"Well, one, I'm not mum, so I can't give you a curfew, two, I know Steve and Tony."  
"You do?" I asked, surprised.  
"Yeah. Well, not personally. But they're popular people, and they're not dangerous or anything. So yeah, just have fun." He paused. "And be back by one."  
"Ha!" I said triumphantly. "I knew there was a curfew!"  
He just smiled.

-*-

"Hi." I said.  
"Hi again!" Tony said cheerfully from inside the car. "You ready to go?"  
"Sure."  
"Get in then." he grinned. "Tasha and the others will be joining us too; you okay with that?"  
"Of course." I climbed into the car and Tony turned on the gas.  
We drove for around ten minutes before we pulled up somewhere.  
"We're here!" Tony singsonged.  
I looked out of the window; the house was massive. House just didn't cut it; the building was a huge mansion, four storeys and glass balconies on every door.  
"Woah."  
Tony laughed. "Yep, that's a usual reaction."  
"This is all yours?"  
"Well, my dad's. But he's not home at the moment, so we can have movie night! Come on."  
I followed him and Steve, who had been sitting in the front next to Tony, to the front of the mansion.  
"Welcome," Tony said dramatically as he stood on the porch, "to the Stark mansion."

-*-


	3. Chapter 3

We were led into the living-room by Tony, who was chattering the whole way about something to do with quantum physics. Or pop-tarts. I'm not really sure.  
I think my jaw should be permanently disabled due to how many times it's dropped today.  
The living room was massive. As in, the 100 and something inch TV stretched the entire length of the left wall, an enormous, plush leather sofa taking up the other side of the room. Floor to ceiling glass windows on the far wall gave a spectacular view of the surrounding areas. A DVD rack stood on the right side of the television, stacked to the brim with what looked like any kind of movie imaginable.  
As you can probably guess, my eloquency isn't at its best today.  
"Wow." I said lamely.  
Tony smirked.   
"You like?" he asked.  
"It's amazing." I answered.  
"Awesome. The others should be getting here in a moment."   
No sooner had he said it, then there was a sharp knock at the door.  
"Speak of the bloody devil." he muttered, going to answer it.  
There was silence for a moment before I heard a yelp of pain coming from the hall. I jumped up in shock, but Steve just sighed.  
"He still hasn't learned not to try and shake her hand." he said by way of explanation.  
A moment later, Natasha stalked in, followed by Tony, who was whimpering and holding his wrist.  
"Ouch, Natasha! Seriously!"  
Natasha ignored him.  
"Hello Jenny." she said instead.  
"Hi." I said, if a little timidly (well, you can hardly blame me, this girl was seriously scary!) "How are you?"  
"I'm fine." she said, and left it at that.  
/*\  
Thirty minutes later and all of the Avengers had arrived in Tony Stark's living room. Clint and Tony (as seemed to be the usual) were arguing about the choice of movie, whilst Bruce and Steve chatted, Natasha sprawled on the sofa, sharpening-  
"Is that a knife?!"  
She smirked at me.   
"Scared?" she asked. I honestly didn't know what to say to that; was I scared of a super-deadly teenage girl sharpening a knife that she got from I don't know where? Uh, yeah! Duh!   
"Um, maybe a little?"   
"Come now Tasha," Tony mock reprimanded, "Don't frighten the new girl with your scary knives."  
Natasha sighed, sliding the knife back into its holder in her bra. Seriously?! Her bra? I thought she was deadly....  
A further two minutes later and Tony and Clint had miraculously agreed on a movie to watch.  
"Have you seen Lord of The Rings?" Tony asked. I shook my head. He gaped at me. "Oh my god, you're uneducated. Right! That settles it, that's what we're watching!"  
"Tony, we had already settled that." Clint rolled his eyes. Tony glared at him.  
It took two minutes thirty four seconds exactly for the group to settle into their preferred movie-watching positions; Natasha was curled up gracefully in an armchair by the window, Bruce was occupying the other, Steve and Tony were curled up on one side of the sofa, and Clint was perched on the back of said sofa. I actually had no idea how he wasn't falling off. Or even wobbling. I was seated on the other end of the sofa, my legs draped on the middle cushion.   
"Let the movie watching begin." Tony said, then called, "JARVIS, cue the movie."  
"Yes, sir." the voice came out of nowhere, and I assure you, I didn't jump out of my skin. But it was a very close thing.  
"That's JARVIS." Natasha said, without looking round.  
"Just-" said Clint.  
"A Really-" Bruce  
"Very-" Natasha  
"Intelligent-" Tony  
"System." finished Steve.  
There was a minute pause.  
"Okay, that was creepy." I said.  
They all burst out laughing (apart from Natasha, who, I was quickly coming to realise, just did't laugh. Ever. She just smirked) just as the grey wizard dude arrived.*  
/*\  
I arrived back at my apartment at 1:30.  
"I'm back!" I called to my brother. There was a scuffling noise from the TV room, and Liam appeared in front of me.  
"How was it?" he asked.  
"Brilliant." I grinned. "We watched movies and had take-out and the guys are awesome, and I think I have friends now Liam."  
He smiled softly. "That's good. That's very good, Jen. Well, I'm gonna get to bed now. See you tomorrow."  
With that, he trudged off to his room, leaving me to go grab a shower before heading to bed myself.  
/*\  
The next day was Thursday, so Liam dropped me off at school again.  
I spend only five minutes or so looking around before I found Natasha and Clint. Arguing. What else is new?  
"Hi guys." I said, and they immediately broke apart.   
"Heey, Jenny." Clint grinned, but I could tell something was wrong. The smile was forced, and Natasha's eyes were stormy.  
"Um, am I interrupting something?" I asked hesitantly.  
"No, it's fine." Natasha said pointedly. I nodded slightly. "Let's go." she turned and walked into the school.  
I turned to look at Clint. He didn't return my gaze, but looked at the ground, shuffling his feet, before quickly saying, "Come on." and darting into the school.  
I was confused. Was it my fault? Had I come in at the wrong moment? Or was it nothing to do with me? Was it just another silly argument, or was it something more important? Well, whatever it is, I'm sure it's none of my business.  
Shoving it to the back of my mind, I hitched my bag up on my shoulder and followed Clint and Natasha into the school.  
//*\\\


	4. Chapter 4

Thursday starts with science, which I quickly learned was not a very good class to share with Tony Stark. He was a fan of not paying attention in class, even when it came to science, and then blowing something up for the heck of it.  
This time, Steve told me, it was almost completely an accident. Tony was carefully measuring out some things to add together, when Loki walked by, 'accidentally' brushing his arm against one of Tony's beakers, knocking it over and causing it to froth and create a foul smell.  
"Oops." Loki said, glancing down at the mess of digustingness. His face was kept blank, if slightly guilty, as the teacher herded everyone out, but his eyes were dancing with mirth.  
Tony jabbed him with his finger. "Don't think you'll get away with this, Laufeyson." he snarled. "That wasn't funny. I smell like bad eggs!"  
Loki smirked. "Oh, it was just a bit of fun." he replied innocently. Tony humphed. "Though, you should probably take a shower." Tony squeaked.  
"The cheek of it!" he said indignantly as Loki walked away. Steve just rolled his eyes.  
/*\  
Lunch in the cafeteria was a mostly subdued afair, but that was due mostly to the fact that Tony had deigned not to join us. I asked Steve why this was, and he said that Tony had rushed off to the engineering department with a great, crazy idea. Judging by the looks on the faces of my other friends ranging from slightly worried to very bored, this was a regular occurence.  
"Somebody be prepared to put out a fire." Clint muttered, and he, Thor and Loki started placing bets as to how long it would take Tony to blow something up.  
"Hey Jenny, you wanna see something?" Natasha asked me quietly when we had finished.  
"Um, sure." I said. I followed her inconspicuously out of the cafeteria and down to the grounds. She took me behind a smal cluster of trees on the right side of the school. We ducked behind them before she pulled out a knife. Okay, now I'm panicking.  
"Duck." she said simply. I crouched down in record speed just as she threw the knife over my head with perfect accuracy. I heard a dull thunk, and stood up hesitantly.  
"'s okay." she said. "I'm not gonna spear you." she gave me a small smile whilst going to retrieve her knife.  
It was then that I noticed that there were painted targets hanging on the trees, with some sort of metal contraption behind them. They all had a cluster of holes peppered around the bullseye mark.  
"Tony made it for me." she explained. "You were wondering about the knife I had on Wednesday, so I thought I'd show you." 'Wondering' was a little bit of an understatement; less wondering about the knife, and more if we had a killer assassin in our midst.  
"Do you want me to show you how to throw them?" she asked, looking at me intently.  
"Wow, that would be, very good. I mean, yeah, sure. Thanks." I found it hard to form proper sentences in front of her, but it may have had something to do with the fact that she was brandishing a sharpened knife.  
She led me wordlessly to stand in front of one of the targets. She held the knife out to me. I took it gingerly.  
"Now," she said softly, "Line it up." she moved in close, moving my arm up to the correct position. I could feel her breath against the back of my neck. "You need plenty of force. Aim it. Try." she almost whispered before stepping back. I pushed forward with possibly all the force I owned and then some, and watched as the kinfe sailed throught the air and landed on the outer, green ring.  
"Not bad." Natasha said approvingly.  
"Show me." I blurted suddenly. "Um, please. Show me how you do it."  
She stepped up to the target and eased the knife out. She then pressed a small button on the strap of her watch, and the targets began to move, up and down, round and round; I felt dizzy just watching them. Natasha looked at me and smirked slightly.   
"You might want to move behind the trees." she said. I obliged, standing just out of the circle of trees, a safe watching distance.  
Natasha whipped out three more kinves from various parts of her clothing. With barely a glance in my direction, she began to throw the with phenomenal speed and the same pin-point accuracy I had seen earlier, spinning and hitting every single target right in the centre, darting to and from the targets to retrieve her knives. She finished when her last knife was embedded in the target right next to my head.  
I was naturally the one to break the silence.  
"Wow."   
She smiled, and I think that was when I was most shocked, because she smiled. As in, lips turned up, soft eyed smile that I had never seen Natasha Romanoff complete or even attempt.  
I gaped for a second before she pressed that button on her wrist again to stop the targets.  
"Shall we go back to the others?" she asked, and I nodded.  
/*\  
And so, knife-throwing with Natasha has become a regular past-time of mine. Every Tuesday and Thursday, after a brief lunch in the cafeteria, we would head down to our little secluded grove of trees and throw knives at moving targets.   
I dare to say, I was becoming quite good at it.  
It definitely took my mind off some things.   
\\*/  
'You can't get anything right, can you, you bitch?!' she screamed.  
Tears fell freely down my cheeks.   
'Mummy, please....' I sobbed.  
'Don't you 'mummy' me. Go to you room, I'll be up in five minutes to give you the slap you deserve.'  
A five minutes spent in tears, before the door was flung open. Sharp pain to my cheek. Harsh words spat in my face. More pain. A strong hand gripping my skinny upper arm before I was flung to the ground.  
'And don't come out until tomorrow.' she hissed. 'I don't want to see your face.'  
A slammed door. Quiet sobbing. A sharp pain in my heart.  
/*\  
I woke up, my body wracked with sobs. I tried to calm myself down, telling myself over and over again, 'She's gone, I'm safe, she's gone, I'm safe....' Many attacks such as the one portrayed in my dream had happened throughout my childhood, my mother after my father had left, me a small, nine year-old girl.  
It was then that I wished, and not for the first time, that someone was here to hold me, whisper sweet reassurances in my ear, to make me feel safe. It was then that I wished I was not so very alone.  
//*\\\


	5. Chapter 5

When my alarm clock woke me up the next morning, I spent ten minutes lying in bed just staring at the wall. Thinking. I thought about the Avengers, about my brother, about the dream I had had last night. But it wasn't a dream, I reminded myself. At the tender age of just seven, I had been witness to my mum and dad splitting up, leaving my mum to drink and become verbally and physically abusive towards me. The dream I had had last night was a memory of one such time, when I was nine. Liam took care of me throughout it all, wrapping up my scars in bandages and telling me it would be okay. I suppose it's only because of him that I didn't run away.  
I dragged myself out of bed and half-heartedly pulled on some blue jeans and a pale lavendar shirt. I headed slowly to the dining area in our flat, and saw my brother sitting at the table. In the spur of the moment, as I remembered the dream and all he had done for me during my childhood, I walked up to him and enveloped him in a hug.  
''Umm, okay....What's this for?'' he asked. We were never a very touchy-feely pair of siblings, and hugs were few and far between in our family.  
"Nothing, just....everything." I sighed into his neck.  
He laughed lightly.   
"Way to make things clear, sis." he said. "But seriously, what's on your mind?"  
I shook my head. "Nothing."  
He narrowed his eyes at me.  
"What?!" I was immediately on the defensive. "You know I wouldn't keep anything really important from you!"  
He sighed and looked away. "I know, just....I'm worried about you, Jen. I remember what happened back when we were younger as clearly as you do," and seriously, was he a mind-reader or something?! "And I know how it affected you. But I want you to talk to me about anything that's upsetting you. 'kay?"  
I nodded and smiled slightly. "'kay."  
/*\  
A week passed in the company of the Avengers, and school life was the most hectic thing ever.  
Three days after my nightmare, Clint somehow managed to drop one of his famous water-bombs on Ms. Hill as she passed through the hallway. I don't even know how he got in the vents, they're nowhere near big enough for a sixteen year old to fit through, and Clint's not exactly small! But anyway, Ms. Hill stayed deadly calm as she looked up to the ceiling, and I could practically hear Clint's gulp in the sudden silence that fell.  
"Clinton Francis Barton." she said, still horribly calm, but her narrowed eyes and the thin line of her frown suggested that she was anything but. "I will see you in my office in five minutes and don't you dare be late." She stalked away down the corridor, wet hair swinging behind her.   
Clint dropped down from the air vent above, and stood awkwardly in the middle of the hall. Most of the students standing around were sniggering behind their hands, but a couple just looked insanely sorry for Clint. I guessed those were the ones who had served detention with Ms. Hill before.  
"Well that was stupid." Tony, the champion moment-ruiner, said.  
Clint scoffed. "You blew up half the science wing the other day."  
"Hey, that was totally intentional!"  
And so Tony and Clint launched into an argument about whose awesome teacher-annoying pranks were the best.  
Until Loki jumped in and said, "I bleached Fury's beard." and they both stared at him.  
"You what?" Tony said slowly.  
Loki smirked.  
"That is not a prank! That's not annoying! That's fucking crazy!!" Tony cried, awed. "What were you trying to do, get yourself killed?!"  
/*\  
The day after that, and Natasha invited me to watch a movie. I accepted of course, I mean, you don't refuse a girl who throws knives with pinpoint accuracy and is probably a master assasin. Also, the thought of spending more time with Natasha was rather alluring. I honestly had no idea where that thought had come from.  
She gave me directions to her and Clint's flat, and I got Liam to drop me off there after school. He said he had to be quick, because he had a date with some girl called Jane later.  
I pressed the buzzer for their flat, and was let in almost immediately. I walked along the corridor til I found the door marked 616. I knocked. Natasha answered the door quietly and smiled when she saw me standing there. I stopped and stared for a moment. Natasha doesn't smile very often. That's not to say that she never smiles, but it's a rare occurrence when she does.  
"You coming in?" she asked, smirking.  
"Uh, yeah-um, yes, of course." I fumbled. Smooth.  
She led me into the small flat and I looked around. It was impeccably neat, everything in the right place, smelling fresh. It was a stark contrast to Tony's messy living space in his mansion.  
"I'll get drinks." Natasha said, heading off to a side door. "Living room's that way." she added, poking her head back into the corridor and pointing to the door across from the kitchen. I nodded.   
When I entered the living room, I was not altogether surprised to see Clint curled up in an armchair by the window. His eyes were open but glossed over, and he wasn't moving.  
"Hi Clint." I said uncertainly. He didn't move. "Clint?" I spoke, growing increasingly worried. Was he dead or something?  
"He's asleep." Natasha's voice from behind me nearly gave me a heart attack, and I spun round quickly. "He sleeps with his eyes open."  
"Really?" I asked, intrigued. "Since when?"  
"Since Budapest." Clint said, scaring me senseless for the second time that night. I turned to see him stirring slightly, his eyes now clear.  
"What happened in Budapest?" I asked, looking between him and Natasha. Clint stiffened, and Natasha gave a slight shake of her head. I gathered that to mean, 'another time'. I nodded slightly, worried that I had offended them.  
"I'm off to bed." Clint muttered, gathering himself up and heading out the door.  
Natasha turned to me. "Still wanna watch a movie?" she asked, a hint of that old smile still playing on her lips.  
"Sure." I answered, smiling.  
/*\  
Natasha placed the drinks on the small coffee table in front of the couch and said to me, "So, I was thinking we could watch The World Unseen? I mean, if you want, of course."  
Oh. My. God. Did Natasha Romanoff, knife thrower extrordinare, master of cold gazes, just falter? Wow.  
"Yes, sounds great." I said, barely concealing my grin. As it happened, I loved that movie, and it didn't cross my mind until we had sat down with drinks and a bowl of popcorn with the movie ready to play that Natasha had picked out a lesbian film.  
/*\  
We spent the movie mostly in comfortable silence, occasionally piping up to comment on something or other. Halfway through, Natasha asked me quietly, "Are you uncomfortable?"  
"Um, no. Why?" I asked, confused.  
"Most people might get uncomfortable with my choice of movie." she said.  
"Oh." I said. I smiled. "No, of course not. As it happens, I'm, uh, I'm...." I faded off, my face heating.  
"A lesbian?" she asked, smiling slightly.  
"Yeah." I glanced up at her, but she looked completely unfazed.  
"Me too." she answered.  
I looked over at her, curled up on one side of the couch, red hair falling into her grey eyes. Her plush lips were curled into a small smile, and that was the most beautiful thing about her, the sincerity of that smile, enhancing her smooth, perfect features.  
I blushed and looked away.  
/*\  
When I crawled into bed that night, my thoughts were filled with soft red hair and bright grey eyes.  
//*\\\


	6. Chapter 6

"Tasha, you have to help me!" I called into the phone.  
She answered back, perfetly calm, "What do you need?"  
"I'm really behind on my science work, and since you're good at science, I thought you could help me revise for the test next Friday?"  
"Why didn't you ask Stark?" she asked.  
I paused. Why hadn't I asked Tony?  
"I, um....I dunno?"  
I could hear her smiling into the phone as she replied, "No worries Jenny. When do you want me to come over?"  
"Thanks a billion Natasha! Um, whenever you're free?"  
"I'm free this afternoon?"  
"Sure, why not. See you then."  
"See you Jenny."  
I came off the phone, heart beating loudly in my ears. Apparently fixing a study date with Natasha was an elating prospect.  
Which was when I remembered that I had agreed to see her this afternoon.  
"Shit!"  
I ran around the living room for ten minutes, picking up mess that somehow always manages to find its way back to the floor.  
By half ten, the room was (mostly) tidy and I was ready for Natasha later that afternoon.  
/*\  
The usual three sharp knocks sounded on the door, and I hurried to the hall.  
I opened the door to reveal Natasha standing in the corridor outside, wearing her usual skinny black jeans and a very low-cut, long sleeved tee. Whih would imply that I was looking. Which I wasn't. At all. Nuh uh.  
I quickly jerked my eyes back to her face to see her smirking at me in that way only Natasha can. Looks like she hadn't missed my wandering eyes. I cursed my pale skin as I felt my face heating up.  
"Um, hi Natasha. Come in." I said, realising suddenly that she had been standing outside for all of five minutes.  
"Thank you Jenny."  
I closed the door behind her and led her into the small living room.  
"It's not big, and it's not much, but I suppose it's enough." I said as her eyes wandered aroud the room.  
"I like it." she said decisively. She looked at me sincerely. "It's wonderful Jenny."  
And honestly, that look, that sincerity, that should be banned in every state. It made my heart stutter and my brain slow to zombie-level intelligence. I mean, it really isn't fair of Natasha to do that to me when I'm trying to study.  
"Um." I said eloquently. I mentally shook myself. "Yes. Thank you. Um, so, studying?"  
"Yes, have you got the textbooks? I brought along some old papers so we can go through the types of questions."  
"Excellent. I'll just get my books then." I said, most definitely not running out of the room, thank you very much.  
As I gathered my science books from the desk in my room, I allowed my mind to wander. To last night and Natasha's clear grey gaze pinning me from under her flowing red hair, to earlier at the door with that sinfully cut top, and that look. The sincere one that made my heart go at a million miles per hour. I shook myself again. I was clearly just admiring a friend. It'd be hard not to admire Natasha Romanoff. Yes. That was it. It must be.  
/*\  
I attempted to block out those thoughts of Natasha from my mind during the study session, which was kinda hard when she kept leaning across me to show me something, and I got a light scent of her faint perfume and a perfect view of her cleavage, which was, frankly, impressive. Not that I was actively trying to look. She just kept leaning right in front of me, just as I lifted my head up. Not my fault.  
/*\  
Half-way through the session, I looked up from writing down an equation to find her looking at me intently.  
"Clint's parents died in Budapest." she said suddenly.  
I was confused. "Sorry?"  
"Last night. You asked about Budapest. I'm telling you." she answered patiently.  
"Oh."  
"We were both there." she continued. "His parents lived there for work, so we were visiting with mine. One day, we were driving along the bridge, and some drunk guy in a truck rammed into us."  
I gasped.  
"The guy was killed, but so were Clint's mom and dad. I tried to get him out quickly to prevent him seeing, but he saw. He saw their bodies, lying there, covered in blood. It was the worst moment of his life, and he fears that if he ever shuts his eyes it'll come back to him."  
She looked round at me.  
"He still gets nightmares."  
"I'm so sorry." I whispered.  
She smiled sadly.  
"No, really, I-I shouldn't have asked, I just thought-"  
"It's okay Jenny. You didn't know." she assured me.  
I nodded uncertainly.  
/*\  
We ended the study session at half six, with my brain now full to bursting with newfound science knowledge.  
"Well, I'll see you on Monday." I said when we got to the door.  
"Yep. You better ace that test Jennifer." she said, smiling softly.  
I was just worrying about how I was supposed to slow my stuttering heart, when she drew me into a hug. Her arms wrapped around my waist and she burried her head in my shoulder. After a moment, I hugged her back, wrapping my owns arms around her back and nuzzling her hair lightly and inhaling.  
She pulled back after another moment, and I quickly pulled my arms down to my side, before crossing them. Before lowering them.  
"So, I'll see you then." she said.  
"Yeah, bye Tash."  
As I closed the door and headed back to the living room, I had only one thought.  
Her hair smelled faintly of apples.  
/*\  
Two days later, when Monday rolled around, I was revision-full and ready for the test on Friday. I just had to get through three more days remembering it all.  
Great.  
I honestly couldn't wait for the end of the week just to get this test out of the way. Which was, of course, precisely when Ms. Hill announced that we have an English exam on Thursday.  
I wonder if Natasha has any more study dates....  
//*\\\


	7. Chapter 7

The study dates with Natasha were becoming a regular thing. I tried not to think of them as 'dates', because for some reason that did funny, twisty things to my stomach. I can't imagine why. *sigh* Okay, so maybe in these last few weeks, I've been exploring my feelings about Natasha, and maybe I came away realising that I might have the eensiest weensiest little crush on her. It really is tiny. It's nothing, it'll pass. I just have to ignore the fact that every time she brushes my arm it sends goosebumps prickling up my skin in a very pleasant way, and that every time she gives me that beautiful, sincere smile, by stomach gets filled with a thousand butterflies. I just have to ignore that my dreams are filled with soft red hair and striking grey eyes and plush, red lips.  
Okay, so maybe it's more than a little crush.  
Maybe I'm absolutely, completely, hopelessly in love with my best friend.  
But it doesn't matter. Nothing's ever going to happen because, a) she's a master assasin knife throwing bad-ass (I'm still pretty sure she's an assasin) aand b) she is most definitely not interested.  
/*\  
The day after my revelation was a Tuesday. I hate Tuesdays. Though I might change my opinion of them after today. It was today that I found out just how helpful Loki's advice can be.  
I was sitting in the library, poring over my chemistry books, when Loki's voice sounded above me.  
"This is my table." it said. I jumped a foot in the air.  
"Can you please tell people to stop sneaking up on me!? I don't want to die early from a series of unfortunate heartattacks, thanks!" I cried.  
Loki smirked. "Oh, I'm sorry." he said, not sorry in the least, the little bastard. He pulled out a chair on the opposite side of the round wooden table, upon which my books were strewn across.  
He just sat there, looking at me for a while. I tried to get on with my revision, but him staring a hole into the back of my neck was kinda unnerving.  
"What?" I snapped, looking up.  
"Natasha." he said simply.  
"What about her?" I asked, ignoring how the mere mention of her name caused my heart to stutter.  
He narrowed his eyes at me and leaned forward. He scrutinised me for a second before leaning back in his chair, looking triumphant.  
"What?" I repeated, feeling self-conscious.  
"You like her." he said, smirking triumphantly.  
"What? No I don't." I denied, speaking a second too fast and urgent. I cringed. I could not be more obvious.  
"Thank you for confirming my suspicions." he said. His voice went suddenly softer. "She likes you too, you know."  
I actually laughed then, because that was just not true.  
He rolled his eyes and sighed. "Why? Why am I stuck with a bunch of morons who can't even see their own emotions?" he asked himself.  
"Hey," I said, "I know how I feel. But the chances of her reciprocating are around 10%. No, make that 5."  
"What makes you think that?" he asked, his voice going soft again.  
"Well, for one, she's a bad-ass knife thrower and I'm a nerdy bookworm."  
"And for two?"  
"Well-I, um....she's a-I don't-Loki!" I whined. I buried my face in my arms, which were crossed on the table. "IthinkI'minlovewithher." I said in one breath.  
I swear, I could hear him roll his eyes.  
"Took you a long time to work that out." he commented.  
"So what did you come here for, Loki? To mock? To ridicule? Are you gonna laugh at me for being hopelessly in love with my best friend? Cos if you are, please, just get on with it."   
"I'm going to help you."  
I peeked out from the top of my arms to see him looking back at me, unflinchingly and sincere.  
"You're serious." I half-whispered.  
He nodded. "I'll give you advice, but you need to make a move and stop being so blind to her affections."  
I sighed.  
"Fine. But please, advice is much needed and very much welcome."  
He paused for a moment, as if unsure of whether he wanted to share this information with me.  
"I know what it's like, to love someone you can't have. Except I mean, really, can't have. Which is why it annoys me so much when people such as yourself claim to be 'hopelessly' in love with one another, when I know truly what it is to be in love with a person, that love truly hopeless. I know what it is to have them so close, but never to touch them in the way that lovers do, I know what it is to want someone so fervently that you would turn to anything to forget." his eyes had spaced out, and his voice was fading. He seemed suddenly to remember I was there, and his gaze snapped back to me, focusing. "Your overt affections towards Natasha Romanoff are overt to all but the two of you. Which, naturally, makes you both all the more stupid. It is impossible not to notice the glances you two share, the colours you both raise in each other's faces, I can feel the longing in the air, and truly it is infuriating to sit here and watch your obliviousness.   
So please, stop pining, and spare us all."  
I sat there gaping for a moment. I really never thought Loki Laufeyson would be the one i would be getting the love speech from. So, naturally, the first words out of my mouth were,  
"I do not pine."  
He sighed over-dramatically and rolled his eyes again.  
"Just tell her, Jenny. It will be better for us all, I swear."  
/*\  
"Hi Bruce."  
"Hey Jenny, what do you need?"  
"Have you seen Natasha?"  
He gave me an all-knowing, understanding look, and really?! Does everyone in the school know?! Nothing about my private life can stay private, can it?  
"She's out in the trees." he said, and right. Of course she was.  
"Thanks." I said, and made to leave the room, when his voice called.  
"Oh, and Jenny?" I turned around. "Please do it quickly. We're all waiting."  
Can nobody be subtle?  
I smiled at him half-heartedly. I suddenly had a thought.  
"Do you have a girlfriend, Bruce?" I asked.  
He smiled. "She's beautiful. She's smart and funny and kind and caring, and....and I love her. Now go and tell Nat before I do, and believe me, that would be worse for you."  
I smiled again, this one more genuine.  
"Thanks."  
/*\  
I found Natasha amongst the trees, sharpening her blades. I made sure to make a lot of noise in the fallen leaves so she could hear me coming.  
"Hey." I said cautiously as I entered the clearing. She looked up and smiled, before looking at the overhanging branches and calling,  
"Hey Hawkeye. Get your ass down here and beat it."  
I heard a humph from between the branches, and Clint dropped down to stand next to Natasha. He looked between us, smirking.  
"I'll leave you two lovebirds to it." he said, turning his back to Natasha and ducking just as she chucked a knife at his head, so it embedded itself in the tree behind him. He stuck his tongue out at her as he walked back up to the school.  
I supressed a chuckle at their antics.  
She looked back at me, and her gaze softened. "So, what did you want?" she asked, but it wasn't accusatory.  
I swallowed. "Well, um." I laughed nervously, and my eyes darted downwards. "Well, you see-I kinda, um. Oh, shit, Natasha, I don't know how to say this!" I cried, despairing.  
She stepped forward lightly, making no noise on the leaf strewn ground.  
"How about like this?" she whispered, her hand coming up to cup my cheek. She leant in slowly, giving me plenty of time to back out, to run back up to the school and hide myself away forever. But I didn't. I couldn't, because her eyes were locked on mine, and there was something there that was so beautiful that I couldn't look away.  
She leaned in, her lips brushing mine, and that was all I could take. I closed the infinitesimal gap between our lips, pressing mine against hers, my hands coming up to rest, one by her waist, the other tangling in her hair, which was just as soft and sweet as I had always dreamed. Her other hand came up to cup the other side of my face, her hands so small and delicate.  
She flicked her tongue out to lick at my bottom lip, and I opened my mouth eagerly. She nipped at my lip, sending shivers down my spine. Our tongues met in a sensual dance, but I let her lead, as I had never done this before.  
The kiss was slow and soft, but at the same time heated and passionate, because Natasha never did anything half-hearted, and I had no idea how she did it, only that it was driving me to the brink. She pulled out after a long moment that could have been hours, placing one last, lingering kiss on my lips.  
"So," she said, sounding slightly breathless, and my heart skipped because I made her feel like that, "What did you want to say?"  
I laughed. "I-That was-that was amazing Tasha." I whispered. But then a thought struck me, and it was like a bucket of ice-water had just been dumped on my head. "Was that all you wanted?" I asked quietly. "Cos if so, just say, please. I can handle it, I swear. But, if that was just you humouring me, then-"  
"Jenny," she interupted me, frowning. "I like you. A lot. And I hope, no, I know that you feel the same, so what's the problem?"  
"Just," I paused. "I haven't really, had any good experiences with....love before." I mumbled.  
She didn't say anything, just pulled back into another kiss, this one sweet and soft, and full of an emotion I had never felt.  
"Jenny. Look at me. I don't know about your past." she said slowly, carefully. "I have....deducted what I need, and I want you to know that that's all behind you. I'm here now, and I'm gonna stay as long as you need me. 'kay?"  
She was looking into my eyes, so honest and perfect that all I could do was nod.  
"So, on that note," she smiled. "Would you like to go on a date with me?"  
"Oh my god, yes!" I whispered, my face stretched into a grin so wide that I swear my cheeks are going to burst.  
She grinned with me, and laced our fingers together.  
We exchanged one more kiss, and then, our hands clasped and smiles on both our faces, headed back up to the school.  
Another thought struck me, causing me to laugh out loud.  
"What?" she asked.  
"You know Tony's gonna tease us for months?"  
She smirked. "In which case, we'll tease him about Steve."  
She looked at me, and we both fell about laughing.  
//*\\\


	8. Chapter 8

It was a dream. I had to be. There was no way that that had actually happened. I mean, I would love for it to have, but the truth is, it's so unlikely I must have dreamt it.  
I'm talking about the kiss with Natasha Romanoff.  
I remember it with such clarity it's almost painful. Almost. I remember the feeling of her soft lips on mine, the way her hands stroked gently over my cheek, the feel of her soft hair running through my fingers.  
It was all real. Of course it was, it had to be. But I was having a hard time believing it. It was just too perfect; my crush of I can't remember how long suddenly having feelings for me? Something tells me that's unlikely to happen. And I remember every day how my mother always told me I wasn't good enough, that I was stupid and ungrateful and selfish. And what would Natasha Romanoff want with that?  
So yes, I was confused. But that doesn't mean I'm not going to accept our new-found relationship, however real. For the moment, I will just close my eyes and allow myself this fantasy, because I know it can never truly be real.  
//*\\\  
"Nope, we are going to talk." Tony said, dragging me by the sleeve of my shirt into an empty classroom. He closed the door firmly behind us and walked round to sit at the teacher's desk.  
"Sit." he ordered, motioning me to one of the many straight-backed, wooden chairs in the room. "Now," he said when I had said down. "We both know I'm not one for heartfelt speeches. But this is important Jen."  
I sighed, resigning myself to my fate.  
"We're a lot alike, you and I, you know." he said after a moment. "We both had crappy childhoods, both grew up insecure with self-hate issues."  
"How do you know about my childhood?" I asked.  
"Takes one to know one." he smiled wryly.  
I looked up at him then, and I could see what I had not before; the old pain in his eyes, the way he looked tired all the time but it was nothing to do with lack of sleep.  
"So, what words of wisom do you have for me, Mr. Stark?"  
He paused, much like Loki had done two days before.  
"I honestly don't know where to start, so lets try here. Jenny, Natasha loves you." I scoffed at that. Yeah, right. I was just a useless, selfish bitch that- "Seriously Jenny." Tony cut off my thoughts. "Don't do this to yourself." he looked honestly pained as he said these words. "I went through the same as you when Steve asked me out. I mean, who in their right might would want someone like me? I was fucked up and hurt and I had no clue what to do or who to go to cos no-one understood. But I do, Jen. You can come to me, cos I know what you're going through. So, listen. Well, actually, talk, but only when I ask you to. Like right now. Now, Jenny, I know this is personal stuff, and you don't have to share it with me." he studied me carefully.  
"No, it's-it's okay." I sighed, knowing what he was going to ask.  
"If you're sure. Well, first of all, Natasha does love you. She's in love with you, and I'm not sure if I'm the one who should be telling you this, but what the hell. And I don't know how you can't see that when everyone else in the whole school can. I know why you don't. I went through a lot in my childhood." he said, and from the look on his face, I could tell that I was one of the only people he has shared this knowledge with. "I got beaten down, verbally and physically until I was old enough to leave home. I hated them, my parents, for doing that to me, and I hated myself for being weak enough to put up with it. It was awful, and sometimes....sometimes the knife just looked so tempting." He rolled up one of his sleeves, almost absentmindedly, to reveal the now pink scars crossing his forearm. "I came here with a lot of issues on my plate." he continued. "I tried to hide my emotions, tried to mask them, not show anyone or let anyone in. But Steve wormed his way in there, and he wouldn't come out. I opened up a little, let him in. And I've never been more thankful that I did. And you, Jenny." he looked across at me suddenly. "Are going through the same things. Am I right?"   
I nodded, and slowly rolled up my own sleeve to reveal my matching scars, mine slightly more red and recent.  
Tony smiled wryly. "Twins."  
I had no idea of how much Tony's speech had affected me until I felt the wetness on my cheeks.  
He was up in a flash and across the room, silently embracing me and whispering quietly. Wrapped up in each other's arms, our cheeks pressed together, I could feel the tears from two sets of eyes.


	9. Chapter 9

I was starting to get slightly unnerved. He was still staring at me unblinkingly, trying to burn a hole through me.  
"I know Nat," Clint said at long last. "I've known her for years. I know how she operates. And I can read her when no one else can. And at the moment, I can see that she's into you. Like, big time. I think the first thing you need to do is talk to her. Seriously, tell her what you're scared of, and she will listen. I know she will. You know she will. So where's the problem?"  
I sighed. "I don't know, Clint. I-I like her. A lot. And that scares me, because I've never liked someone like that before. Hell, I never even had friends. And I scared....I'm scared she'll leave me. Like my dad, like my mum, like everyone. I don't want that."  
"Well that's stupid. I've known Natasha for ages, and I know that when she loves, she does it with all her heart. And as I like you, Jenny, and as I'm the only one able to, if she breaks your heart, I will kick her ass. If she hasn't done it herself." He added as an afterthought. "Anyway, what I'm trying to say is, you've got nothing to be afraid of. So go, talk to her. Now."  
"Yeah, I suppose I might as well get it over and done with." I sighed again and stood up. "Thanks Clint."  
/*\  
"So, I wanted to talk to you." I said suddenly, interrupting the middle of the movie. Natasha turned to face me and muted the screen. I cleared my throat, suddenly nervous. "Don't leave me." I blurted out. Okay. That was not how I had wanted this talk to go.  
Her eyes became impossibly softer, a small smile lifting the corners of her mouth. She slid over to me silently and enveloped me in a hug.  
"I would never leave you, Jen. I love you." Those three words, said with such conviction and surety were enough to make my breath hitch and tears well up in my eyes.  
"I-I...Natasha....I...."  
"Don't say it." she whispered. "Don't force yourself. Say it when you're ready. I understand. I promise I don't mind."  
I nodded slightly and buried my face in her shoulder. She gently tilted my chin up and leant down for the softest of kisses.  
We spent the rest of the movie wrapped around each other, cuddled into the side of the sofa and trading kisses.  
I didn't even notice as I dropped of to sleep.  
/*\  
I woke up the next morning feeling light and happy. I opened my eyes slowly, immensely comfortable where I was, wrapped in soft blankets with a pair of arms around my waist. Hang on....  
I turned over to see Natasha sleeping soundly next to me, her red hair spread out over the pillow, her mouth slightly open. She looked so peaceful and beautiful there that she took my breath away.  
It was then that I wondered where the light was coming from. I looked up from Natasha's sleeping form to see the window open and the curtains not quite drawn, letting in the early morning light.  
Natasha stirred slightly under my hands. Her eyes opened slowly, revealing that soft grey colour that had come to be my favourite. She noticed me sitting up and immediately her eyes widened.  
"Oh my god, Jenny, I'm sorry, you fell asleep last night and you looked so peaceful, I didn't want to disturb you, so I carried you in here and then I fell asleep, and I'm sorry, it's hugely inappropriate, I didn't mean to suggest anything, I just-"  
I shut her up with a kiss.  
I broke away and laughed. "I don't mind Natasha. In fact, it was quite comfortable. I think that was the first time I haven't had nightmares in years."  
I realised what I had said a second too late.  
"You get nightmares?" she asked quietly.  
"My mum....she used to beat me. Verbally and physically. One morning, she came on me with a knife." I absentmindedly lifted my shirt to show the thin cut along my abdomen. "My dad had left years ago, so the only one to defend me was my brother. He jumped in and stopped her, so she hit him too. It was my fault." I said the last bit in a whisper, not knowing I had been crying until Natasha lifted her hand to my cheek and rested it there, wiping away the tears with her thumb.  
"You can stay here." she said simply. "If you get nightmares. I can protect you."  
I gave her a small, watery smile.  
"Thank you, Natasha. That would mean the world to me."  
/*\  
It honestly did. I don't think Natasha had any idea how much it meant to me that she was willing to let me stay with her, sleep in the same bed as her, let her protect me from nightmares.  
Because I think, for the first time in my life, I had finally let someone in. And I wasn't letting her go.  
//*\\\


	10. Chapter 10

I stood there, staring into the mirror for what seemed an eternity. It had started as a simple glance when I got out of the shower, before pulling on my underwear. However, I had doubled back when I noticed my own expression. It was of pure joy, and how could it not be, when Natasha had asked me to meet her for coffee later that day. As I stood there, I let my gaze wander past my face, down to my arms, covered in bright red criss-crossing marks, my abdomen, where my mother had struck me with a blade.  
I was by no means the most beautiful girl in the world, I knew that. I had golden, strawberry-blonde hair framing my gently heart-shaped face. I had high cheek-bones, but they didn't show very much. Like, only if you were right next to me. I stared into my own eyes in the mirror. They were roundish and almond shaped, hazel in colour with flecks of my mother's blue and my father's brown, mixed in with my own green. I had a small beauty spot on my top lip, 'like a mini Marilyn Monroe' as my mother had said, before dad had left and she turned to drink. I had other spots, like the one right by my ear, but you could hardly see them.  
My lips themselves were relatively full, and naturally quite red from my habit of always nibbling at them.  
I never wore make-up, never saw the need. As I have said, I never believed myself to be the prettiest girl in the world, but I never liked the strange, waxy feeling of lipstick, or the heavy, sticky mascara and eyeliner. I just felt fake whenever I put make-up on, like I was wearing a mask.  
Anyway, that's me. I looked away from the mirror with a small sigh, dragging out a pair of dark blue jeans and a low-cut white tee shirt.  
I pulled them on and then my favourite black converse. My denim jacket went on, and I grabbed my key to the flat from the side-board.  
"I'm going out!" I called to my brother, who was sat in the other room, watching television.  
"With who?" he joked back. I froze. I hadn't told Liam about Natasha yet. I stood there for a minute, debating to myself about whether I should tell him or not, when his voice called out again, sounding worried. "Jen? You there?"  
"Um-yes! I-I need to tell you something Liam." I said, my voice shaking ever so slightly.  
"What's the matter?" he asked gently, appearing in the doorway. "You remember I told you you can talk to me?"  
I nodded quickly. I was hesitating again. Should I tell him? I had no idea how he would take it....Ah, what the hell. He's my brother! He deserves to know.  
"I'm going out." I started.  
"Yes, I know. You just said." he teased. I glared at him. "Okay, okay. Carry on?"  
"I'm going on a date. With someone from my school."  
"Okay. That's fine. So, who is it?"  
I took a deep breath. "Natasha Romanoff."  
Silence.  
"That girl that came over for your study dates?" he asked at last.  
I nodded again.  
He smiled easily, and I could tell it was genuine. I breathed a small sigh of relief.  
"That's good! I liked her, she was nice. Yeah, she seemed like a nice girl."  
"So, you don't mind?"  
He chuckled. "Why would I mind? It's your choice. I told you, she seems like a nice girl, and if she makes you happy, fine."  
"And the fact that it's a girl doesn't bother you?"  
He gave me a withering look. "You came out to me years ago."  
I paused. "I did?"  
"Yes! When you told Kai you thought you might like girls? He told me."  
"Well, that's not the same....And anyway, that was when we were twelve! How the hell do you remember that?!"  
"I remember everything you tell me." he said quietly. "Or anything others tell me about you." he added. "Well, shouldn't you be off? You're gonna be late!"  
I started. "Oops! See ya later!" I sing-songed as I danced out of the door.  
/*\  
"Hey Jenny!"  
"Hi!"  
Natasha looked beautiful standing there outside the coffee shop, but to be honest, Natasha looked beautiful anywhere. She was clothed in black skinny jeans and a dark blue, elbow length tee, and wearing that smile that never failed to take my breath away.  
"How are you?" she asked as I walked up to the Starbucks' store-front window where she was standing.  
"I'm good. Very good. Excellent even. You?" I replied, unable to get the grin off my face.  
"I'm....good." she said, still smiling. She reached out slowly and took my hand, tangling her fingers with mine. I looked down at our joined hands and then back up at her face, and beamed. "This okay?" she asked quietly. I nodded.  
She smiled again, and led me into the shop.  
We placed our orders of huge, chocolatey drinks with more sugar than coffee, and sat down by a table next to the large window.  
We sipped at our drinks for a while, making idle conversation and exchanging glances and smiles, before Natasha asked,  
"So, the school's holding a dance this weekend. I thought maybe we could go? If you want, of course, I just thought it might be nice to-"  
"I'd love to." I cut her off, grinning.  
"You would? I mean, yes. Good!" she smiled. "Do you like dancing, Jenny?" she asked after a small pause.  
I blushed slightly. "Well, I never really learned. Not properly. I mean, I can dance, sure, it's not that hard, but I never had proper lessons or anything. What about you?"  
"I learned ballet when I was three." Natasha said. "Up until I came to high school actually. I never learned ballroom though." she added thoughtfully. "So I suppose we can fail together!"  
I laughed, and she joined in, until I realised something,  
"I don't have anything to wear."  
"Oh, that's fine," Natasha said, waving her hand. "We can go shopping for something, if you'd like?"  
"That sounds great."  
We finished our coffees and stood up, ready to leave. Natasha tangled our fingers together again, and I couldn't help but feel a warm burst of happiness in my chest at the action.  
We walked down the street in happy silence for a few minutes, until Natasha and I came across a store with beautiful, flowing dresses on display in front of the window.  
"I'll bet we can find a dress in here." Natasha murmured, and dragged me into the shop.  
I gasped when we entered; it was full to the brim with sparkly, flowy dresses of all lengths and designs. There was a beautiful, full length silver dress on a mannequin in the middle of the store. I walked over to it and gasped again upon seeing the price.  
"Natasha! We can't be in here!" I whispered to my girlfriend.  
"Why not?" she asked, looking genuinely puzzled.  
"Look at the price! I could never afford that!"  
"Oh that," she said, waving a hand dismissively. "That's fine. Stark will pay for it."  
"Are you sure? Have you even asked him?"  
She gave me a pitying look. "You don't have to ask Stark to spend his money. He willingly throws it away on gifts for all of us at least five times a year. At least."  
I was still unsure about spending someone else's money without asking, but Natasha was already dragging me off to an aisle.  
"Do you need a dress?" I asked.  
"Oh no, I already have one." she said, with a somewhat mischievous smile in my direction.  
I stood back and let her pick out an armful of dresses. When she spun around to face me, there was a sparkle in her eyes.  
"Try these on." she said, thrusting them into my arms.  
"Um, okay...." I mumbled, shuffling off to a changing room.  
I hung the three dresses Natasha had picked out for me on the rail, and proceeded to try on the first one, a full length, silver dress, the material on the chest wrapped over like those Greek dresses.  
I put it on with care, and glanced at myself in the long mirror opposite the rail. It was beautiful, draping over my frame in waves of silver.  
I exited the changing room to see Natasha standing there, eagerly awaiting me. She inspected me in the dress critically, enough to almost make me feel uncomfortable.  
She seemed to come to a descision, and drew back.  
"Hm," she said. "It's nice. Try the next one."  
So I retreated back into the changing room and pulled the hangings to. I chose the blue dress next. It was a strange colour that I had difficulty describing, like a dark cerulean I suppose. It was strapless and flowed out from the knee to around the ankles.  
Once I had changed again, I sheepishly pulled back the hangings.  
"Nice?" I asked Natasha. She pondered for a moment before saying,  
"Yes....nice. But I think the last one will suit you better." She said this with a twinkle in her eye, and I found myself wondering why I suddenly had a great sense of foreboding.  
'It's nothing to worry about,' I told myself. 'It's just a dress.'  
However, when I re-entered the changing room and layed eyes on the dress in question, it was most definitely not 'just a dress'. It was a beautiful red thing with thin straps and a slit up one leg. The bodice was encrusted with tiny diamonds (I hoped for Tony's sake they weren't real) and other sparkling gems.  
I gaped at it for a full thirty seconds before finally working up the nerve to try it on.  
"You done yet?" came Natasha's voice from outside.  
"Nearly!" I called back.  
I stepped gingerly out of the changing room once I had pulled the dress on.  
Natasha's eyes went wide, and she swallowed audibly.  
I suddenly became self-concious.   
"Um, is it okay?" I asked nerously, fidgeting with my hands.  
Natasha took another moment to gather herself together before saying hurridly,  
"Yes, yep, definitely. This is the one. Like absolutely, don't change it. At all."  
I laughed nervously.  
"So, it's okay then?"  
"Yes," she said, her voice softer now. "You look beautiful, Jenny."  
"Thank you." I whispered.  
Natasha took the few steps towards me and cupped my cheek, before leaning in for a chaste kiss. Normally I detested PDA of any kind, but I found I didn't care so much when it was me and Natasha.  
/*\  
When I got home that night, I was content to just lay in bed and let my mind wander. I was staring at the newly bought dress hanging in front of my closet, when my phone buzzed.  
I picked it up and checked my text messages. There was a new one from Tony:  
WHAT THE HELL JEN!! YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO ASK A GUY BEFORE YOU TAKE HIS MONEY!! I mean yeah, sure, you can have it, but it would've been decent of you to ask!!

Oops. I told Natasha we should ask Tony first.  
//*\\\


	11. Chapter 11

The day of the dance rolled around, and I found myself becoming nervous. It was the first time that me and Natasha would be open about our relationship to anyone other than our close-knit group of friends that were the Avengers. And for some reason, I was a little nervous about coming out to the entire school.  
However, despite all my worries, I knew somehow that it would be fine.  
I knew Natasha would make sure no-one got too close to bullying, as I knew could happen if we weren't careful. I trusted her. And coming from me, that honestly meant a lot.  
/*\  
I looked at myself in the mirror when I had changed into my dress. I had to say, it was beautiful. I had applied a little red lipstick and the minimum amount of eyeliner I could get away with to match the dress. My hair was styled in gentle waves that hung around my shoulders. I had bought a pair of low black heels to go with my outfit, and I was wearing them now also. I was kind of worried about them, as I never wore heels, and I knew first hand what it's like to embarrass myself in front of the whole school, and had no desire to do so again.  
I had asked Liam to drive me to the dance, so he was going to drop me off early before looping round to pick up his girlfriend, Jane.  
"You okay? You look nervous." he said when we were sat in his car.  
"Yeah, no, I'm fine." I said, altogether not very reassuringly. "I am a bit nervous, I guess." I amended. "But it's fine."  
He nodded and put his foot on the gas.  
/*\  
We arrived in plenty of time (obviously) and Liam waved me goodbye as he drove off to collect Jane.  
I looked around the yard in front of the school, trying to spot Natasha or any of our friends.  
I saw Tony talking to Clint at the opposite end of the yard, so I made my way over there.  
Tony let out a low whistle when he caught sight of me, and I blushed fiercly. He grinnned and said,  
"Hey Jen! Looking good. Nat's gonna have a hard time keeping her hands off you." he winked and I blushed even deeper, if that were possible.  
"Have you seen Natasha?" I asked, willing my blush to go down.  
"Nope." he said, popping the 'p'.  
"Said she'd be a bit late. You guys wanna go inside?" Clint said.  
We wandered inside the school, and Clint led us into the hall they were using for the dance. It was spacious, with a wooden table running around two adjacent walls with nibbles placed on silver plates dotted on the tables. A wooden stage was set up at the far wall, lights flashing from black boxes.  
A disco ball was attatched to the ceiling, the lights from the stage reflecting off it, creating pretty patterns on the walls.  
"Phil!!" Clint yelled, hurrying over to his boyfriend, leaving me and Tony alone.  
Since there was no silence where there was Tony Stark, Tony immediately started talking about something.  
"So, how are you and Natasha?" he asked eventually.  
I couldn't help my face heating up as I remembered how wonderful our three dates had been, and all the time in between as well, like the time when we had shared her bed having fallen asleep watching a movie, or the time she wrapped my hand gently in bandages after I slit myself on her knife. Little things, but somehow, so special, each moment so precious.  
"Amazing." I answered quietly. Then I decided that that was inadequate to express my feelings for Natasha, so I started rambling. "I mean, she's amazing. And wonderful, and funny and beautiful and I can't imagine a day without her now that I have her."  
"Well that's good, 'cause I'm not leaving." Came a soft voice from behind me. I whipped around, startled, to see Natasha standing there; she looked absolutely gorgeous. She was dressed in a full-length, black dress which hugged her figure perfectly, showing off everything, the V-line cut so tantalisingly to curve at just the right place.  
I gaped at her for a moment before saying shakily, "You look beautiful."  
"Thank you Jenny." she smiled. "You look amazing."  
She took my hand and entwined our fingers.  
"Would you like to dance?" she asked, and I noticed for the first time that music had started playing.  
Then Tony went and ruined the moment (again) by saying,  
"I'll leave you to it then." And winking at us before strolling off to find Steve.  
Natasha rolled her eyes and turned back to me.  
I grinned.  
"You still want that dance?"  
"You bet."  
We made our way slowly onto the floor, where a dozen or so other couples were already dancing.  
Natasha held our entwined hands up to chest level, and placed her other hand loosely on my waist. I slid my hand up to grip her shoulder, looking into her beautiful grey eyes as we began to dance. They were simple steps, backwards, forwards, left, right, so it didn't matter that I had never practised them before. I was a quick learner. I began looking down at her feet as we stumbled through the first steps with grins wide on our faces and laughter bubbling in our throats. However, after a few minutes of gaining our balance and concentrating on the steps, we had pretty much mastered the few basic steps. The song was not slow, but neither was it fast, just perfect for our first dance.  
It seemed natural after a while, as if we knew where the other was going to step and matching it with equal grace. We danced effortlessly, like we were made for each other.  
I couldn't tear my eyes away from her face, even if I had wanted to. Her eyes were sparkling, her face lit up in a beautiful smile. Her soft red hair framed her face perfectly, falling to just below her jawline in soft waves.  
The song ended and we slowed, staying in our position, in our own little bubble of perfect for a few more moments before Natasha said,  
"It's beautiful out. I was gonna go watch it from the balcony. Wanna come?"  
I nodded, breathless, unsure of whether I would be able to form coherent sentences yet.  
She led me by the hand out to the balcony across from the door where we came in. It had a spectacular view of the city, and the thousands of twinkling stars above us. It was truly breathtaking.  
We stood for a moment, staring out into the heavens, until I felt Natasha's eyes on me.  
I turned slowly to face her, and my breath was stolen yet again. The light from the full moon cast a glow upon her features, making her eyes shine.  
My hand came up to rest on her cheek, hers sliding up to my waist.  
We both leaned in, slowly, our eyes flitting closed the closer we got.  
Our lips met, and fireworks went off along my skin, as perfect as the first time.  
Standing there, holding the most precious thing in my life, against the stars in the background, I knew it was the right moment.  
I pulled away gently, to look into her eyes.  
"Natasha?" I said, slightly hesitantly.  
"Yes Jen?" she whispered.  
"I love you."  
//*\\\


	12. Chapter 12

She stared at me for a moment, her eyes wide, before a huge smile spread slowly across her face.  
"Do-do you mean it?" she whispered.  
"Of course I do." I said, though slightly unable to believe it myself. It's not that I didn't love her, because, I think, for the first time in a long time, I did. I loved Natasha Romanoff.  
I smiled and leant forwards, capturing her lips with mine once again.  
/*\  
Half an hour or so later, when we had done watching the stars and holding each other close, we headed back in from the balcony.  
I swept my gaze around the room, noting all of our friends. Tony and Steve were dancing, and although Steve looked a little uncomfortable, it was still adorable.  
Bruce was with his girlfriend, Darcy, near the refreshments table, laughing and looking more comfortable that I had ever seen him.  
Clint was nowhere to be seen, which I had learned to recognize as a very bad thing.  
I felt a pang of....something in my chest for Loki, when I saw him standing in a dark corner, staring mournfully over at Thor and his girlfriend, Sif, dancing, cradling a glass of something that was probably not punch in his hand.  
Me and Natasha decided to just go and sit on one of the many benches lining the walls of the room, and we chatted aimlessly for a little under an hour. We were sat comfortably, her arm around my waist, my head on her shoulder, our hands clasped.  
We were silent for a moment, before she asked hesitantly,  
"So, I was wondering if, maybe, you'd like to, uh, move in? With me. In my flat. I mean, it's fine if you don't want to, I understand, you have your brother, and there's Clint, though we can shove him out if we have to, he's been dying to go live with Phil, I can tell, but-"  
"Yes."  
She paused, and looked at me quizzically.  
I grinned. "Yeah, I'll move in with you. Sure. Are you sure that's okay though? And I don't want you to shove Clint out just because of me."  
She waved her hand dismissively. "Of course it's fine. And Clint won't mind. C'mon, let's go ask him now."  
Despite my protests, she dragged me by the hand out of the room and down a corridor.  
"How do you know he'll be here?" I asked breathlessly, as she pulled me down the third corridor.  
She looked at me mischievously. "He always comes here to....do stuff."  
Suddenly I had a feeling of dread.  
"Natasha, we're not gonna walk in on them doing...-"  
She laughed.  
"Relax! They wouldn't do that. Not here...." she added quietly. I suddednly found myself wondering just how old Clint was.  
"Here." she said in hushed tones as we arrived outside a classroom door.  
She waited a moment, ear pressed to the door, though I couldn't hear anything, before straightning up and bursting through the door with no warning whatsoever.  
I may have squeaked in protest, but, in my defence, I was surprised. I mean, would you not be surprised that your girlfriend just barged in on two people....doing something? No?  
"Hey Clint." she said cheerfully as she entered, and Clint jerked away from where he was locking lips with another guy, who was probably Phil.  
"Naaat!" he whined. "What the fuck? Can't you see I was in the middle of something here?"  
"Sorry," she said unapologetically. "But we needed to ask you whether Jenny can come live with us."  
He looked at her for a moment, uncomprehending. Then understanding dawned on his face and he smirked. Natasha rolled her eyes.  
"So?"  
"Yeah, sure. Have my room. Unless you're planning on sharing....?"  
Natasha sighed. "Shut up Clint. Come on Jen."  
Clint smirked again and winked at me as we left.  
Natasha shut the door and, after a moment's hesitation, locked it.  
"Natasha! How're they gonna get out?" I said.  
"Oh, you know Clint. He'll take the vents. If you think about it, I'm doing them a favour. Now no-one can interrupt them, and they have more time to do whatever it is they're doing."  
I shook my head slightly at her strange logic, before smiling widely.  
"So, I can move in now?"  
She glanced at me, and smiled too.  
"Yep."  
/*\  
Two days later was a Sunday, and my stuff was all ready to move to Natasha's.  
I had told Liam the day after the dance, and he had been fine with it.  
Natasha came by to pick me and my things up at around noon.  
"Hey!" she greeted with a wide smile.  
"Hi!" I called back, clambering into the passenger seat.  
We talked happily for the ten minutes it took to arrive at Natasha's flat, then hopped out and started unloading my small amount of clothes and bits from the boot. We staggered up the steps with armfuls of stuff, and Clint buzzed us in.  
Clint was indeed moving in with Phil, as Natasha had said, and I'm glad we'd all be happy with our arrangements, but I still felt bad about shoving Clint out.  
We went straight through to Clint's old room once we had greeted him, and placed the stuff on the floor.  
The clothes went straight in the medium-sized dresser by the far wall, the other bag of stuff dotted around the room. It consisted mainly of photos of myself and my brother in mini frames, and small birthday presents from last year.  
"Well, that didn't take very long." Natasha commented, once the last frame was up. "Do you wanna go grab lunch?"  
I smiled.  
"Yeah, sure."  
/*\  
The shouting.  
The insults.  
The hitting.  
The knife.  
The pain.  
I awoke in a cold sweat, my cheeks wet with tears. As my eyes adjusted to the dark, I contemplated what to do. I could try and go back to sleep, but that was always hard after a nightmare.  
Two minutes later, I found myself outside of Natasha's room, unsure of how I got there, but with my hand already on the door handle. I pushed it open hesitantly, stepping inside the spacious room. It was the same size as my own, except that the bed was on the left side, whereas mine was on the right.  
I walked as quietly as I could over to her bed, but when I reached it, she stirred slightly and turned to face me. Her eyes blinked open and she raised herself off her pillow to peer sleepily at me.  
"Jen? What's wrong?"  
"N-nightmare." I gasped. "I-I'm sorry, I just-"  
She wordlessly moved over in the bed, gesturing for me to lay down beside her.  
"A-are you sure?"  
"Do you want to get some sleep or not?" she asked softly.  
I climbed awkwardly into the bed, scooting closer to her slightly.  
Natasha raised her arm and I cuddled into her side. She wrapped her arm around my waist tight, and I nestled my head into the crook of her shoulder.  
"I love you Jen." she mumbled as sleep washed over us.  
"Love you too."


	13. Chapter 13

I blinked slowly, opening my eyes to the soft glow of the bedroom. I looked over at the alarm clock on the bedside table; it flashed the time '8:46'. I rolled over lazily and was greeted by the perfect sight; my beautiful girlfriend laying on her side, facing me, her soft red waves flowing out around her head. I smiled.  
I had been living with Natasha for two weeks, and it had been wonderful. We spent so much time together, and I picked up on all the little things Natasha does, like how she hums when she's cooking and stares at Downtown Abbey with a raised eyebrow. Or how she takes exactly four minutes in the shower every morning and how her hair always smells of apples.  
Oh yes, and how she gets up at exactly ten minutes to nine every morning. It's kinda weird.  
"G'mornin'." she slurred, blinking away the sleep. "Time 's it?"  
I grinned. "Eight fifty. Like every other morning probably ever."  
"Hmm, good." she shut her eyes and lay back down, nestling her head in the mountain of fluffy pillows.  
"You're not getting up?" I asked, amused.  
She groaned. "It's Saturday and I have a wonderful girlfriend who's perfectly okay with snuggling until ten o'clock."  
I chuckled and lay back down myself, scooting closer to Natasha's soft warmth. I curled an arm around her waist, and she put her hand on my shoulder. We remained there for five minutes before shifting to find a more comfortable position. This is how it always was; we'd get into bed, spend a few minutes facing each other, then I'd flip round to face my back to Natasha and we'd curl into each other like that.  
Natasha claimed her position as big spoon, and I soon felt sleep wash over me once again.  
/*\  
The next time I woke up, it was to the smell of fresh coffee and oranges.  
"Mmm...." I hummed happily as I turned over to see Natasha looking down at me with a fond smile.  
"Hey sleepyhead." she said.  
I dragged myself to sit up in the bed, resting back on the headboard, and Natasha climbed in beside me, carefully balancing a tray with two mugs of coffee and a plate of toast with marmalade between us.  
"Mm, what's this?" I asked.  
"Breakfast."  
"In bed?"  
"It's Saturday." she said by way of explanation.  
I nodded, smiling.  
Natasha handed me a mug.  
"Three sugars and a splash of cream, just how you like it." she said.  
I stopped.  
"How do you know I take my coffee like that?"  
She stared at me, bemused.  
"Well, I noticed. I mean, that's how you always ask for it."  
"But....but you noticed. I mean, you paid attention." I said, uncomprehending.  
She looked at me, the breakfast tray forgotten between us.  
"No one's ever noticed before, have they?" she asked quietly.  
I shook my head.  
"All the little things. Like how you take your coffee, or your favourite type of jelly. Well, I notice, Jenny. I notice everything about you. The way your eyes sparkle when you're excited, or how you blush the most adorable blush every time anyone so much as complements you. I notice how you don't mind talking about your mother, because you'd rather talk about it than have people look at you nervously every time family dinner's mentioned. Your favourite smell in the world is melted chocolate and you can beat even Tony at Mario Kart. I know that you love your brother more than anything, and that you ask him for permission to do anything, mostly out of habit. I know you love dancing but you never learned how, I know your favourite Doctor is the tenth and you can't keep a straight face if someone says 'serious'.  
I know these things Jenny, because I love you."  
I stared at her for a moment. Not once in my life had someone noticed any of those things about me. I wasn't even aware that I did most of them.  
"You got one thing wrong." I said quietly when I had regained the ability to speak.  
"What?"  
"You."  
"What about me?" she asked gently.  
"I love you more than anyone or anything in the universe."  
We both smiled a brilliant smile just before I captured her lips in a sealing kiss.  
I understood now what I didn't years ago. When I thought my mother had been right, that I didn't deserve it, that true love didn't exist. Or what I thought when I moved here, that I should just drown myself in studies to numb the pain of being alone.  
Well, I understood now.  
Because love came first.  
//*\\\


End file.
